Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Allow me to clarify...please...

When I first told my Mom, her response was perfect. I don't even remember what it was, or what I expected but I remember just feeling well, ok. Then she was down here the next weekend to take care of me. When I first told my Dad he was as good as a Dad can be I suppose. Sad maybe, but at the same time its got to be crazy to have your 35 year-old daughter in menopause. Talk about making a guy feel old.

Some of the other family members were supportive, surprising..again I don't remember what responses were I just remember how they made me feel.

"I'm so sorry Sarah." Is a good first response. "How are you and Kurt dealing with this?" Is also good. "How is Kurt?" Is great.

Once we establish a dialogue about the subject you can try to make me laugh. E.G: "Well Sarah, you always say people shouldn't breed while there are so many that need to be adopted" now that, is funny. My gravestone will probably say "Don't breed or buy while pets in the shelters die you stupid idiot."

My husband has made me laugh as well, "Children are SO expensive. Too expensive!" He is frugal and because I know he partly feels this way, it is funny and is does make me laugh. Or better yet, when Kurt and I are totally relaxing (rarely happens!) on the couch; me with a book cuddled up next to him watching 9:30 at night. He says "If we had a baby honey do you know how different our lifestyle would be? You couldn't cuddle up next to me cause YOU would be taking care of the baby!"

And then there's the jokes about my height and how I would be as big out as I am up if I were to get pregnant.

So just allow me to clarify my previous post. I was reflecting on people who, upon hearing the news, automatically say "I didn't think you wanted children anyway" or "Oh no biggie, you can always adopt!"

Save those comments for when you have established a dialogue with the person.

Since posting the last column I've been contacted privately by many people who have someone in their life dealing with infertility. Those people have now reached out to them...please people, talk about it with whomever you love that is being affected by it. You can't begin to fathom (unless you've dealt with it yourselves) what it is like to know that birthing/procreating is an impossibility. Reach out to them.

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