Sunday, November 14, 2010

What is a healthy relationship and, does it - GASP - involve change?

The other day someone complimented me. They said Kurt and I have changed, as individuals, since coming together as a couple. She said I have embraced my gifts and passions more than ever before. And Kurt has noticeably begun doing things he enjoys more than ever before. He goes to football games out of town, he nurtures his friendships more and he enjoys the little things in life now more than ever.
We have very little time together, due to our schedules so when we do have time together we embrace that time. We sometimes merge "my things" or "his things" and sometimes we just do, "our things."

Before meeting Kurt, I was a writer and animal advocate. I was a dance teacher, a cheer coach, a friend and daughter. Since meeting Kurt, I've begun and nearly finished my first book, written a handful of short stories for anthologies and written nearly 1,000 articles all of which have been published. I have jumped into animal activism with both feet, instead of tip-toeing into it as I had before. I know I am making a difference and have the strength to continue to do so. I am a better daughter, sister and better friend since knowing Kurt.

Why the change? Because Kurt makes me believe in myself. Kurt is my biggest fan, my coach, my team mate. He believes in me therefore I believe in him.

How has he changed? Since meeting me, Kurt has embraced his friendships and nurtures them. He spends more time with friends and this current football season has been the craziest yet for my husband. He has all-niters with his BFF going over DVR'd football games until 6 in the morning. He has taken up property management which is something he's always wanted to do and maybe just needed that little voice off to the side telling him he could do it, he is amazing at what he does.

How else have we changed? I've always been a planner, a scheduler. Not having a date and time for everything made me anxious. Kurt was fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants spontaneous and flexible with everything. We've molded into a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants couple assuming it works with the schedule:)

I am a confronter. I confront. I don't like passive-aggressive and I can't stand talking behind backs. I think everyone should get the balls to tell people what they think instead of whispering and wasting negative energy.

This of course, is not always the best way to handle situations. Kurt comes from a background of absolutely no confrontation, let's keep everyone happy and not ruffle any feathers. I've learned that although this goes against everything I am comfortable with, this is oftentimes the way things need to be done - for everyone else's comfort levels.

I am private. Kurt is not. Since meeting, I've become less private and Kurt has realized there are some things that are nobody else's business.

People change when they're in relationships. And 99% of the time its a good thing. If I became a heroin addict because Kurt was, clearly that would be a bad thing. Kurt running more because of me, and me doing yoga more because of him, these are not bad things. These are good things.

So, to you out there who've heard "you've changed since you met Bob" or "you're a different person now that you're with Ann" - think about it...This is really a good thing, isn't it:)

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