Sunday, August 22, 2010


It took 34 years of living, 19 years of dating and well over 1000 first dates to find my soul mate.Our first date was July 5, he proposed September 5 and we were married December 4.

I never thought I wanted kids. This suprised many people. I have worked with kids in many different capacities throughout life. Most recently, as a dance and cheer coach. I was a role model, mentor and confidant for girls ages six to 18 for years. I have two nieces and acquired eight more nieces and nephews through my marriage.

My now-husband and I were honest with each other about the fact that neither of us thought we wanted children. At least, no time soon. When we married, I was 34 and he was 37. We had by no means written off procreation entirely, just any time in the near future. After all, we are newlyweds.

I am naturally high-strung and anxious. During our three month engagement and planning our wedding I became moreso; anxious, emotional and even gained quite a bit of weight. I had gone on the birth control pill years before and never really had much of a period in fact, I can't remember the last time I bought tampons or pads. My doctor's take on this was, "Don't complain! Lots of women wish they didn't get their period!"

During the planning period I also began to have night sweats. I thought these night sweats were most certainly due to the stress and anxiety of moving and planning a wedding.

Once married, my husband and I considered having children. Maybe the reason neither of us ever wanted children was because neither of us had ever met anyone that a) we could imagine spending the rest of our life with and b) procreating or parenting with.

I was always hesitant to have children due to my parents' messy divorce when I was a child. However, once I met him, I knew this would be forever and a messy child-custody trial would never be an issue.

Premature menopause runs in my family. My mom began menopause at 36 and two paternal aunts were done by 40. When my husband and I discussed having children we knew I should have a blood test to determine where my hormone levels were; if they were near perimenopause we might speed up our process of getting pregnant and if I was not nearing perimenopause we would stick to our original plan and wait a few years.

My annual was approaching anyway so I didn't make a special appointment. Instead, I had my regular doctor run a blood test at that appointment. She was going to check for everything from hormone levels to cholesterol and the health of my thyroid.

Since our wedding, by changing my diet I'd lost the "I'm in love and planning a wedding" weight and was back to a size 6. I don't eat meat and cut out all dairy. However, also since the wedding my "nights sweats" became morning sweats, afternoon sweats and evening sweats. Also known as "hot flashes".

My appointment was on a Monday. My doctor told me to call her office on Wednesday for the results of the blood test. Friday morning, I realized I'd forgotten to call. I called her office and left a message for her to call me.

That evening at 6:30, my doctor called me back. I will never forget her exact words, "Your tests were fine. All your results are fine; your blood sugars, cholesterol, thyroid, everything. But..... I can't believe this because you are such a baby but your tests also conclude you're post-menopausal."

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Sarah--that's so sad! You never know what God's plan for you is, though. You had to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your true love, and now you know how special that love is. You are always saying about animals not to breed, adopt...well, maybe that's the message here too. There are so many children that would love to have a loving family.