Friday, August 27, 2010

Denial, acceptance, support from my husband...

We both cried when we heard the news. My husband is a wonderful man; so supportive and caring. I'm not sure if we ever would have had children however, it tore us apart to not make that decision ourselves - that decision was made for us. I know God has a plan.

I immediately began doing research. The more I learned the more frightened I became. Then later, the more I accepted this. Its not like "I have hepatitis" is the equivalent of "I have menopause" instead, its more like "I'm going through some changes and need support and understanding from those closest to me". And that was my first step - not being ashamed.

This blog is partly in reaction to my unwavering sense of stubborn to not give in to the humiliation I initially felt. I am an extremely private person so, this is a bit suprising to many people in my life. I think, if word of this blog spreads and I could help support just one person going through this, it would all be worth it. Well, it would not be in vain.

There is literally nothing out there in regards to information about premature menopause. The only information is in regards to premature menopause resulting from cancer/chemotherapy or a hysterectomy. It's been frustrating reading the same thing countless times, "....between the ages of 47 and 55..." and "....menopause occurs around retirement which gives you a chance to really take care of yourself"...."...your children have just left the house for college".

I wanted to scream, "I am only 35! Why is this happening to me? I'm just starting my life and my career! My only children at this point are 4-legged and won't be attending college, does this mean we can't have biological children if we want to?"

Ironically, I have noticed I have completely "chilled out" these past few days. Feels amazing like, for the past year I was winding myself and my sanity tighter each moment. Now, its unwinding. Very slowly and yet surely.


  1. What do you attribute your 'unwinding' to?

  2. Hmmm I think I contribute my unwinding to many things: my mom came in town last weekend which I needed some mommy time, my husband is so incredibly chill and supportive and places humor in this journey every chance he gets...then there's the estradiol patch...which I believe I have yet to blog about... MC:)

  3. sounds like good reasons to 'unwind.' I'm so glad things are going better and you're feeling more 'normal.' Which of course you always were. Man, I wish I had had had this much knowledge and support when I was riding my "crazy train."

  4. Lol I love it! The crazy train is actually a lot smoother of a ride now that I'm not ashamed and hiding it...and the feedback I've gotten from people (like yourself) that have either been there or are there right now - and need this information - that feedback is invaluable to me.